would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
