I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
