yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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