so that wasnt chicken after all
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
