her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
