Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
