Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
