Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
