There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
