Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize