I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
