Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
