I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
