I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize