Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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