I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
