if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize