I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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