Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize