My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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