We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
