Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
