what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize