wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
