Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
