your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
