I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
