Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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