Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
