I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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