If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
