I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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