Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there was a trapeze. enough said
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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