New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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