hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
