the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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