wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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