I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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