I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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