Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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