How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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