I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
