he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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