Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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