xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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