yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
