i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
