Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
time to smoke my breakfast
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
