Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
