Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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