I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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