my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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