remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
