meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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