I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
