Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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