it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
