Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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