nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize