Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
