I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
