I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize