so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize