Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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