i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your penis caused this!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
