I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
