I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
