You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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