sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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