there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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